


Dance Like An Egyptian

by baeberiibungh



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Anatomy Acessories, Beheaded Mummy, Crack, Egypt, M/M, Mummies, Mummy Dancing, Mummy Seduction, Reanimation, Sappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:49:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5279096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeberiibungh/pseuds/baeberiibungh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek are two mummies in one of the smaller pyramids of Tutankhamen, and when the moon shines baby, the mood goes divine...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dance Like An Egyptian

“Stiles, seriously, will you stop moving, you are unravelling there, and we don’t have extra scraps to keep tying you up,” says Scott the mummy, swaddled in bandages that still look white in places for he is a good mummy and refuses to move around when the full moon revives them once a month or so. Stiles is his buddy mummy. Stiles used to be a thief and was put in the prison and then the pharaoh died and his successor came upon the brilliant idea to bury all the criminals of the city with their former ruler and thus he got embalmed, rather badly truth be told, and hence the unravelling bits. 

Since it was a smaller pyramid, containing the queen who of course deserved the best, just not as much as the king, got stuck with the criminals. Lydia she liked to be called and even death did not take away her haughty smugness of being a queen. Stiles could agree with her sentiments. A great queen and then entombed alive because of her dead husband, who was not that great by Stiles’ estimate. She also had very stabby appendages that hurt even through the rotted flesh and leathery skin. It simply did not bode well to refuse her, so Stiles did whatever she told him to, which mostly amounted to moving the mirrors so that the moon light fell directly on her.

There were lot of mummies in the pyramid. Some went the old way, groaning and walking all stiffly and open mouth that looked very gross with their black insides that forever smelled of dirty blood. Then there were those, of higher birth, who were buried in parts so that when they got reanimated, they moved around hefting their ash urns so that they could see where they were going. Some tried to even move around their intestines, in a misinformed sort of practise of dead pride, but they were the first to crumble rather spectacularly and they have stopped taking all of their parts along.

There were some royal guards as well, killed off with a single blow to the head and lining one of the walls in sombre uniforms of metals and no clothes. That led to some interesting mosaic of missing flesh and broken bones. Stiles however found the guard who went by the name of Derek, which was such a weird name, but then he went by Stiles so who was he to point it out publicly anyway, a strange specimen even among the ragtag group of, well, rags. His head had been cleanly detached from his body, so he walked around with his head under his arm, scowling at everybody and giving an air of unimpressed superiority.

It took Stiles some time to decipher that he was just shy, and did not want to give offense to anyone, and wasn’t that a laugh, already dead and dust and still worried about others. That spoke of great anxiety in their past lives, and who better to cure Derek of that than Stiles of course. So he managed to use one of the crystal gems to light one of the torches, clunk it into one of the existing brackets and then tried out his dance of seduction, which was him using his unravelling strands of bandage as a kind of giant dirty blood tipped boa feather and dance before Derek.

Derek watched bemusedly, his mouth on the way to be open rather highly, except his arms kind of stopped the movement prematurely. So Stiles took to swaying like a snake, to hypnotise him obviously, except he looked like a pole dancing in heavy winds with his lanky dried body and open hole of a mouth. Mummy seduction certainly required a few concrete pointers from Stiles if all his efforts were to go to waste, because he was a genius, and thus what he was attempting to do should have come across universally very loud and clear. Derek just scooted back till he hit the wall and then slid along his length to get away from Stiles. 

It took a few tries, a few threats to burn off bandages with the fire torch over a couple of months to gain some intelligence on the reluctant recipient of his affection. To add to his misery, a few full moons had been cloudy nights as well, so by the time he had come up with a solid plan to woo Derek, it had been years since burial. Scott had taken to walk around as well. Stiles’s pinky had sadly bent at a weird angle when he pressed this one wall with a bit too much force and refused to return to base. This made him sadder than even dying had.

Somehow this managed to entice Derek enough to come near him without resorting to his mega plans and both took to talking rather chummily. Sometimes Scott joined in too, and Lydia would turn her kohl lined eyes and express her affirmation at whatever was going on. Stiles took to getting the head from out of Derek’s arms and put it in his hands and talk with him face to face. Derek’s body would in the meantime meander the rooms, usually hitting walls and other inhabitants, so Stiles tied him up with a piece of bandage near a statue, and then proceeded to start dancing with Derek’s head.

It was surreal was what it was. He would hold Derek’s head near his face and try to groan out his words. Nothing really made sense, but Derek groaned back at him with an equal amount of affection, and with time it became tradition. The other inhabitants, sadly crumbling and tearing and just simply giving away to the turns of earth, as a human must after death, gathered into a pile with a clear area in the middle. Even Lydia joined them, watching with her eyes swimming in urns while Stiles swept around with Derek’s head. And when Stiles grew too weak to do that, Derek’s body came to the rescue, picking up the head and Stiles together and moving around the floor.

In the silvery moonlight, it looked like lovers of many a years and many a lives coming together. Anubis never came to take them away to heaven, but for Stiles and Derek, it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at writing crack, like it goes on okay and then boom, angst, a little bit of drama, fuck. ah well. Thank you for reading. Unbetaed.


End file.
